Breaking the Cycle

Wouldn't it be silly to realize that you are an alcoholic, but then still go to the bars everyday, vowing that you are not going to drink... you're just there for the atmosphere? And the whole time, it's all you can do to not drink. But the booze is right there. Right within your grasp. But, you've decided you're going to "tough it out" and "be strong." And you keep going back. And the temptation is still there.

And one day.... you drink.

So, tell me: alcohol aside, why do we do this to ourselves in other areas too?

Believe me... this is for me too. Just one way that God kicked my butt this morning.

What is that thing you know you shouldn't be doing, yet you keep finding yourself wandering down that same path?

Food issues? Drug issues? Drinking problem? Gambling? Anger? Lying? Cursing? Laziness? Homosexual behavior?

What is that thing that you keep running from... and then right back towards?

Everyone has something.

And sometimes, we try to fix this on our own. We try to say, "Well, I just won't go to restaurants anymore, because I can't seem to order the healthy food." Or maybe it's, "I can't even play the McDonald's Monopoly game, because it makes me want to gamble again." What about, "I have to wake up with purpose, even if I don't have any plans that day, or else I will sit in my PJs and rot in bed while watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix."

Well, yeah, that's half of it.

But, where does God fit into it? Are you asking Him to tell you (because, people... He knows!) what you need to cut out in order to live an obedient life. I wish I could take temptation to sin away. I wish my thing wasn't a thing in my life. But it is. And I keep going back to this self-control thing that God has been pointing out to me for years. YEARS. If he gave me self-control, I wouldn't have to learn it. And I would miss the point that He's trying to show me.

It goes something like this:

Paul says in Ephesians 4, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

Wait, what? So there is this thing that I am called to be and I should be chasing after that? I have a responsibility in the way I live my life? So, there's no magic "Christian" button that God pushes that turns us into perfect people? Yes, yes, and YES!

God has been showing me through Paul's letters who He says I am. Not my family. Not my boyfriend. Not my dearest of friends. Him. Cause that's all that matters. My world is definitely being rocked.

And nowhere in what I've read does God say that I am a woman who lives in a cycle of bad decisions and regret. No. I belong to Him. He told me that I am a daughter of the Most High King. I am a princess. And in what part of being Spiritual royalty am I supposed to be putting myself in situations (note the responsibility I am taking) that are going to make it harder to say "no" and easier to say, "yes" ? This is not who God made me to be!

My pastor said this week that who we believe we are will directly correlate to our behavior.

So, basically, if I identify myself as a screw up that will never get it right, then I'm eventually going to give up the fight and just live out that belief.

I don't have some amazing conclusion to cap all this off, as I am still processing the booty-kicking I got, but just know that I am still pressing in and asking God to do more.

This is an amazing video that blessed me a few months ago.