Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Strumming, Writing, Singing...

So, a few months ago, I wrote a blog about how God had been revealing to me that He wanted me to write songs as a part of my spiritual healing. Well, two solid songs have come out of that so far, and I wanted to share the lyrics.

(This one is about an extremely unhealthy relationships I was in a few years ago. It is sung to the guy, and just tells the story of who I am now, since he's not in my life anymore. One might say it's a typical "angry chick song," but to me, it's alot deeper than that because of the redemptive and freeing role that God plays in it.)

"Beauty for Ashes"

Tired of crying these old tears from these same eyes

that looked at you through shadowed pasts and saw a man:

the kind of man she thought she wanted, thought that she could have.

But, now I know that I deserve better than that.

What do you have to say for yourself now?

I've dropped you like a habit that isn't just bad-

it ate away at all the love deep within my heart.

I'm tearing away no matter the pain or mess that's left.

Can you hear my pain?

Do you care that I fall asleep screaming-

sick to my stomach with worry and grief?

Does anybody hear me?

Does anyone care?

If you know what this is like,

please tell me it will be okay.

Will it all be okay?

But look at me now:

I'm floating free from the shackles

you used to keep me down!

I'm soaring, spinning, tumbling free!

This is the marriage of Jesus and me.

Jesus, can you hear me?

Jesus, do you care?

Since you know what this is like,

please tell me it will be okay.

This is more than I dreamed.

(This one is about my struggle with having a father that doesn't know how to love me. I get really jealous of functioning father-daughter relationships, and even though God's word says in Psalm 27:10 that "though your mother and father forsake you, I will receive you," I don't feel God in that empty place where my father's love should be.)

"Psalm 27:10"

Three years old and she waits by the door, eager to feel his touch.

She loves her daddt and looks up to him, sees a hero in his face.

He had a long, hard day and he's driving home, her face runs through his mind.

He loves his girl, he moves mountains for her, sees purity in her eyes.

Why can't I have that? (A love as sure as the sun)

Isn't it enough that I love you? Why won't you love me?

Now eighteen and she packs all her bags, headed to school out west.

With tears in her eyes, she boards teh plane, holding his picture tight.

He watches his baby girl pass through the gate, tears streaming down his cheeks.

He's so proud of her for chasing her dreams, even if it means leaving him.

It's not fair, no it's not okay.

Though my father turns his back on me, You say you'll love me still.

Then why can't I feel Your warmth, Your peace, Your love that never fails.

Oh God, if You love me, if You really care-

I need you to surround me, please Father, show me You're there.