A few nights ago I had a dream...
I was an pregnant amish girl. I had a husband, and we were going to the hospital to deliver the baby. Something didn't feel right about having the baby there, though. I was in my room, going into labor, but no one was in the room, not even my husband. I was doing it alone. All of a sudden, another amish girl appears and has a pillow and blanket in her arms. She pulled me gently to the floor for me to deliver the baby on the floor. There were no words, but I had an understanding that it was inappropriate for me to deliver the baby in the luxury of the bed.
At some point, while still in labor, decided that there was another room that was meant for me to deliver the baby in. I couldn't walk, so I began to drag my bleeding body out into the deserted hall and down the corridor. As I dragged myself up the stairs, I remember noticing that there was blood everywhere. It wasn't just trailing behind me... it was under me as well. It was coming from everywhere in my body, not just my womb.
When I finally arrived in my "home," I finally saw my husband. He was laying in the hospital bed, getting ready to deliver our child. I looked down and saw that I was in street clothes, not the hospital gown I had been in before. I curled up into bed with him, to comfort his labor pains. Even though he was experiencing pain, everything was peaceful.
...As soon as I woke up, I knew God was speaking to me in this dream for a few reasons. 1. The dream was vivid. I rarely dream, but if I do, it's usually very foggy and I can usually only pick up emotions during the dream, not as if it were a screenplay. 2. The dream stuck with me, but not in a haunting way. In the way that I naturally remember everything in the timeline of the dream. 3. My alarm clock went off, and as soon as I fell asleep, the dream picked up where it left off, but had a darker plot, one that I know the enemy brought to me. As if he were adding in the last part to try to cause me to dismiss the first part. Jerk.
After much prayer, consideration and wise counsel, it has been determined that I am the amish girl. I have been pregnant with goals, dreams, and callings in my life that God has directed me to. I was comfortable in my walk, seeing these through on my own my own strength, until circumstances brought me to a very dark and challenging season. I was still pursuing these dreams on my own. But God had better for me, and I knew it. I started to struggle toward His beckoning, and though it was bloody, and unbearable, I pressed on. I eventually arrived at "home" and saw that God was the one that was to do the work, that He is the one to see my dreams through- on HIS strength and labor pains... as I saw in the dream, the pain wasn't overpowering to Him. He was still quite peaceful.
Where am I now in this bloody journey? I am still at the "dragging my bloody stump of a body to Jesus" point.
Phillipians 3:14, baby.