Saturday, January 1, 2011

Whoever said this was going to be easy was a big, fat liar...

This may not be the most glamorous post. But, it will be honest. I will do my best to not turn this into a negative rant.

6 months ago, I became a co-leader for a small group at my church. I knew it was something God called me to, and was obedient. But, did I want leadership? No. I know that leaders have bulls-eyes. Leadership is a lonely place, and as we witness constantly in politics, someone always has something critical to say about them. So, why in the world would I want to put myself in a position of vulnerability. One where I probably will face people that misinterpret me, misrepresent me, and gossip about me.

According to what I am hearing about myself, I am ultra-controlling, I talk down to people, and I "act in charge" of the people in my small group. It's not that I'm perfect- I know more than anyone that I am not. But, what the heck!?!? Do these people not know me? Do they not see that I just want what's best for the group? Am I not allowed to make mistakes?

My co-leader and I struggle through so much crap and I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't breathe!! I can see the Lord working, and I can feel Him moving, but why won't He rescue me? I don't want this- I never have.

We have never made this group about us, or what we want. We have always prayed about what direction God wants to go, and what would be best for the group as a whole. Why can't they see this?

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