Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Marrying the "Right" Person

Recently, I have initiated several conversations describing my frustrations with the dating scene.

Why can't it be like long, long ago? Parents talked to other parents and then their kids were married. The kids learned to love each other, they had kids and arranged their marriages. Most of these marriages were based mainly on politics and/or financial gain, but it was acceptable and it worked.

Some cultures still do this. I was against it and very supportive of letting kids choose who they would date/marry.

But now?

I'm 29 and single. I've dated a few guys that could've been marriage material, with a little compromise and a lot of patience. I also dated a few guys that I had no business dating.

Trying to date nowadays is like trying to solve a multidemensional Rubik's Cube.... while colorblind.

So many games. So many rules and signals and sometimes even manipulation.

It was SO very refreshing to read an excerpt from a book by Tim and Kathy Keller entitled "You Never Marry The Right Person" from RELEVANT magazine. Amazing. It's like they knew exactly what I was thinking.

Our culture is so hell-bent on choices that we feel entitled to them. We are picky in relationships. I know I am. The first boyfriend I ever had was hurt by me when I told him I couldn't date him because he wasn't a leader. What?!? I mean, I was 18 and had no idea how to communicate. But still. I didn't give him a chance to change. I didn't give him time to evaluate if he thought he could work on that area. I just dropped him.
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Advice that was given to me a long time ago was that my "prince" would come for me someday. What does that even mean? My prince? That implies magic and fairy tales and happily ever after. That is NOT marriage. Marriage is two people living life together forever. Walking side-by-side through the good and bad. There is no potion that you take or song that you sing that makes it easier.

Imagine a close friend of the opposite gender. Now imagine marrying them. Some are cringing... I know I would at a few of my friends. But, why? What is so awful about the thought of marrying your good friend? Most people would say chemistry or attraction. I think those same people forget that you wont always be attracted to that person. They may get "ugly" or "wrinkly" or something tragic may happen to them and they're not the same mentally.

Marriage is not just about love. Marriage is about committment to the other person no matter what. Marriage is about standing before the world and saying, "We are going to live life beside each other and do our best to love and respect each other and then forgive each other when we make mistakes."

C'mon people. Get it together.

P.S. This link will take you to the article in RELEVANT magazine.

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