Saturday, October 8, 2011

Forgiveness: Harder and Easier Than it Looks

About a year and a half ago, I was (once again) deeply hurt by my father. His words have always cut me deeply as long as I can remember. This time was different. I stood up to him (I normally didn't) and told him that his anger was displaced and aimed at the wrong person. That only enfuriated him more. He told me to leave, so I did- without looking back. I completely cut him out of my life.

In the past year and a half, God has healed me in a lot of ways. One of the areas is knowing who I am- who God made me to be- rather than who my father says that I am. I am also more aware of the boundaries I need with him in order to be healthy. I knew that the day would come when I would need to talk to my father- I just didn't know when it was going to be.

The day came this past Thursday. It was his birthday, and I decided just to call him and see how is goes. The funny thing is that all the things I thought I would say to him after all this time completely slipped my mind. I couldn't even think of the hurt, the pain, the anger or bitterness. As soon as I heard my father's voice- it was gone.

The reality that my father hurt me is real. That still exists, and I am definitely still working through that. But what I can feel more than that is the amazing grace that God gives us. That grace is not all we need for life- it's just enough for the moment. I can now keep walking towards forgiveness, knowing that God will meet me step for step.

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