Monday, October 3, 2011

This is Not Going to Be Easy

Did I think this was going to be easier? I set out on a mission to give up processed food. I lasted four days the first week, then blew it on my trip to Pennsylvania. I picked the easy way out and ate what I wanted, and oh, it tasted so good. All of it. I drank a lot of water, I guess to try to convince myself that I was making it better if I made myself pee more. I just told myself that I would start fresh on Monday.

I was so good for three days. I still was drinking soda, but only one a day, so nothing crazy. Then I ran out of almond milk for my morning green smoothie. So, I made an excuse and said, “I’ll just make today a cheating day.” I rationalized letting myself fail at a commitment that I made to myself. The only person I let down was myself. What I didn’t see is that cheating for breakfast one day led to me not caring about the rest of the day, and then saying that I would just “take the weekend off” of the diet— as if I had been fully committed to it and deserved a break!

After having all the negative things about me pointed out to me growing up, I started to believe that that was all I had to live up to. When you believe that you are a screw up, you don’t really feel the need to rise above screwing up. You believe that is as good as you are able to be. But, those things about me are not true. I am not a screw up. I am a gifted, driven woman with good work ethic. I can do better than this. I can stick to a diet because I can be healthier than this.

I can be healthier than being an emotional eater. I can be healthier than giving up on my diet. I can be healthier than refusing to exercise because I have a little ache and pain. I can be healthier than watching myself gain pound after pound due to having a job where I sit for 10 hours. I can be healthier than just buying new jeans when they don’t fit anymore— instead of trying to take the weight off.

It’s funny that watching an old Grey’s Anatomy episode helped me have this epiphany. Meredith Grey, you changed my life. Well, Shonda Rhimes did, anyways. I am going to make a new goal. Instead of my goal being to lose a certain amount of weight, or to get to a certain size, I will be working towards starting each day new. The day before doesn’t count. So what if I didn’t exercise. Yesterday’s mistakes or victories cannot determine today’s actions.

So, tomorrow, we move forward. We take a step in the right direction and we forget the steps of yesterday.

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