Today, I received an email from the director of Admissions stating that I would not be going any further in the application process for a position as an Admissions Counselor.
After getting over my shock and confusion, I cried. Hard.
I didn't understand how I can hit it off so well with the director and the supervisor, and be told, "I look forward to listening to recordings of you selling Liberty University to students," and then literally the next day be told the complete opposite with no viable explanation: a door that appeared wide open slammed shut in my face.
I was able to process through everything with a few close friends and my mother. What I had to be reminded of was two things:
1. I am not moving for a job. I am moving because God told me to.
2. A job does not provide for me; God does.
Not getting a job at Liberty means that tuition seems impossible now. I wasn't necessarily counting on the job, but they sure had me excited about it and all the possibilities that came with it.
So where does that leave me now? Asking God a lot of questions. I don't believe that getting that far in an interview process meant much more than pushing me to move to Lynchburg sooner. But, I made decisions and changes based on that job.
My best friend encouraged me to revist what God is asking me to do. I didn't clearly hear God tell me that I would work at Liberty (although it would help with tuition). What I did hear Him say was, "Go back to where we left off." At that point in time, I was working at Liberty, living in Lynchburg, and finishing up my Bachelor's degree (and pursuing a MA). It made sense that I would go back to pick those things back up. But, God didn't tell me anything beyond that. He just told me to go to that point.
I feel like in my relationship with God, He will give me instructions such as, "Go to the zoo." Then I say, "Okay, God, I'll meet you at the elephant cage!" The point is, God tells me to do something without much detail sometimes. And because of who I am (ahem... need to control/have a plan), I assume the role of figuring out the details.
But, that is not my job. I am not my own provider. I am not God. Providing for my every need is not my burden to bear, and I will fail myself everytime I try. But God... He is so strong and powerful and He has all the answers and had foreknowledge and insight beyond what I could ever imagine doing.
So, for the next 48 hours, I will be waiting. And listening. And being quietly obedience.
Oh, and packing too. Moving is the only thing I am sure of at this point.