Relationships

Relationships.

They are hard.

And I'm not just talking about dating relationships.

I'm talking about people. They are hard to deal with.

I'm sure I'm not the easiest person to deal with, but I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship with me. So, let's set that one aside.
----- ----- ----- -----

I was sharing with my friend tonight something that kinda makes me sound like a jerk.

You see, the thing is... I don't really like being around people that much.

I like people. Usually specific people. And I like fun. And I also like laughing and making memories and all that jazz.

But, when you throw in the whole need to be around people to experience those things, sometimes I change my mind. Sometimes I would rather stay at home all day. In my room. Making art and playing with my cats.

Wow. I sound like such a hermit!!!
----- ----- ----- -----

Here's some hope that I can hold on to: God knew I was going to be this way before I was born. He has a purpose in my anti-social desires. He knows exactly whose path I am going to cross that needs to meet me. Or that I need to meet. And we will share a moment. And if it weren't for my struggles with being social, maybe we never would have been able to connect.

God also can (and does) use this to challenge me. I have to depend on Him for road trips and long outtings or day trips with people. I know that I won't make it out alive and/or still on speaking terms with my traveling buddies without Him guiding me and helping me to love people.
----- ----- ----- -----

I am right now in a season of refinement. I am being stretched beyond my comfort zone.  Waaaay beyond my comfort zone. I have to fight the instinct that I have that tells me to emotionally shut down during a conflict. It tells me to act like I don't care at all in order to try to protect myself. But, it keeps me from connecting with people. It shuts people out. It prevents me from experiencing God in an intimate way.

And He is telling me to stop.

He is telling me to be humble. And to listen. And maybe.... just maybe.... I can actually get something out of all of this.

Relationships are hard. Much harder than I anticipated. But, God has told me that He is going to help me navigate all of this.

Because He's cool like that.