Self-Worth

 Today is the first day of November. This means a few things. First, we are in the second-to-last month of 2012. What the heck!? Where did time go? Second, rent is due. These days, having to pay bills just reminds me that I have a place to live and a job and then I just thank God for that. The third thing this day means to me is that is starts my favorite time of year. It is a time when men (and sadly some women) band together to toss their razors aside and grow facial hair. I've heard it called many things. Novembeard and No Shave November are among the top. For the truest of lumberjacks, they will keep No Shave November going all the way through Very Hairy February and won't pick up a razor until March 1st.

Lastly, this day also signifies Nonstop November. In short, you pick something and do it for the entire month of November. 30 days of something.

Now this is far from trending on Twitter, but look at the response. That's pretty cool, if you ask me.

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So, in honor of the first day of #NonstopNovember, I will begin by sharing something that happened this morning and what I feel like God is trying to show me through it.

First of all, it's important to know that I hate being late, and I also hate being in trouble (which sometimes happens when you're late). Knowing that, you will know how frustrated I am that I have been late to work three times this week. Late. To work. Not to meet friends. Not to the gym. To work. Ugh.

On Monday, the first time it happened, it was because I couldn't get out of my driveway. It took me 10 minutes to get out of the driveway, and was, therefore, 10 minutes late to work. The very next day, I woke up 5 minutes before I had to be at work. I made it there in 13 minutes flat. But.... still late. I realized on the way to work that I wasn't going to give excuses or explain anything. It didn't matter. I was late, and I am not supposed to be. So, when my boss was leaving his house and paused to say, "I need you to be here on time. Okay? I just need you to be here on time," I just said, "Okay. I'm sorry." Then I cried when he left (because of the whole "being in trouble" thing).

So, today. I got up on time. I left the house with enough time to be at least 5  minutes early to work. It didn't take me 13 minutes to get to work. It took me almost 30. What? Yep. Every light I came to turned red. And every turn I took, there was a person leisurely driving, as if there wasn't a crazed maniac driving behind them. When I got to work, I was so frustrated that I was crying. I reassured my boss that I wasn't doing it on purpose.

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As soon as he left, I started asking God, "Okay. Where's the lesson?" I was completely aware that the lesson may not be spiritual at all. I may just need to leave a lot earlier from my house. But.... I know God can use anything to teach. So, I just waited.

And then I was reminded of something God had been showing me already- for the past month or so.

My significance and self-worth do not change based on my mistakes and what people may think of me.

I have been slowly going through Search for Significance with a friend for a bit. I say slowly, because there is so much content where I have to stop and just meditate and take it all in. One of the things that has been shown to me is that I give specific people in my life too much access to my confidence. I allow their responses or reactions or corrections determine how much I feel like I'm worth.

This is not okay.

Why? Because if a person is responding to a mistake that I've made, or a sin that I have committed, then it doesn't necessarily change how they view me. It certainly doesn't change anything about how God views me. Therefore, it shouldn't change how I view myself.

What I got out of today is this:

"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation." (Colossians 1:21-22)

When my friend read that to me, I said, "I have that now, right?" (The reconciliation part) And I do. And nothing I do or don't do can change that. I can be late to work  50,000 more times and it will not change one ounce of what God thinks of me. It may cause me to lose my job at some point, but God will not think any less of me. My boss may question me and ask me what's going on, but it doesn't make me worth less in his eyes.

That is the absolute truth.

My friend today told me that it was good that I was recognizing all of this, but wanted to know how I was going to change the thoughts going on.

The answer? Combat the lies with a truth. Straight from scripture.

So, those verses (Colossians 1:21-22) are being written down and put in my Jeep somewhere. So that if there is a next time of me being late, I can meditate in traffic about my worth in Christ. And when I get to work (or wherever I am headed), instead of thinking self-condemning thoughts, I can meditate on the truth that is found in Paul's letter. Now He has reconciled me by Christ's physical body through death to present me holy in His sight. And by now, he means now.

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What is something God is teaching you about how you view yourself?